This was almost the very worst day of my life...I could not escape my Russian music class until we had run 10 minutes over. Darting to my English midterm halfway across campus, I ran down the littany of excuses I could possibly use to be granted an Incomplete if I arrived too late to take the test, brought the wrong materials, forgot to stow a blue book in my book bag, etc...

So I arrive at the VLSB, 20 minutes late for an exam that amounts to a whopping 30% of my entire grade for a class in which I am RARELY, if ever, fully cognizant for. And then, my friends, a moment occured of almost religious magnitude...enough to convince any atheist of the existence of a benevolent Lord...

Apparently I had been awake for all of the right things. In 45 minutes I had filled quite a number of pages and walked out of the test early. A true moment of literary zen.

And now I get to go home tomorrow for Spring break...ah, sweet lethargy, encapsulate my soul! :)

Soooo....my Russian music proffessor has made it clear to me that he wants a very sophisticated paper...no, I don't mind hard work....but...I might need a little discrete help....so here's my plan:

1. Soak paper in heavy concentration of vodka, let dry, iron out a little, hope he gets drunk (and nonjudgemental) off of the smell.
2. Print the words "Give me and A, I am brilliant." in white, embossing texture ink. Print assignment on paper. Hope that as he scrolls along with his finger he will receive subliminal message and act accordingly.
3. Write sentences in 3-D Optical Illusion patterns, hope by the time he gets to the end he is sufficiently hypnotized to give me an A.
4. Entitle my essay "Very Sophisticated Paper"
5. Sacrifice goat and perform ceremonial dance, pledge my first child to the Russian state.

I'm picking up the ol' hammer and sickle and getting back to my paper now...