Something tells me that my cereal doesn't quite think that I'm a part of its primary demographic:
"In the time it takes for your new couch to arrive, you'd be sitting at a more comfortable cholesterol level."
Cute. Umm...I guess I should be concerned about cholesterol. Yeah. Unhealthy cholesterol levels are definitely concerning.
"By the time you'd read that novel cover to cover, you could start a new chapter in heart health."
Seriously? By tomorrow? That's amazing...
"Or in the time it takes your child to finish her Shakespeare report, you could report a healthier cholesterol level."
Considering that said child would have to be conceived, birthed, and reared to at least the age of nine before said report could even be an issue, I'm sure we can both agree that this claim looks substantially less impressive than your last one.
"And just think, between oil changes you could give your heart health a great tune up."
Oh right. Oil changes. For my invisible car that I ride in to go on tons of super fun adventures in distant locales.
Where are all of the cereals for bus riding grad students who read books at break neck speed and have been postponing personal pleasures like marriage and family for years because they lack the stability and excess income that will allow them to do things like buy new furniture whenever they want?
I'm going to start my own company. And we're going to make breakfast foods like "Procrasticrunch" (It's crunch time!) and "((De)(Con)struct)-O's" (Add milk and watch the tiny whole grain letters disolve into an epistemological mush! Featuring mini-marshmellows shaped like Foucault's bald head!)
Cholesterol is not the problem here, my friends. Oh no, it is not.
"In the time it takes for your new couch to arrive, you'd be sitting at a more comfortable cholesterol level."
Cute. Umm...I guess I should be concerned about cholesterol. Yeah. Unhealthy cholesterol levels are definitely concerning.
"By the time you'd read that novel cover to cover, you could start a new chapter in heart health."
Seriously? By tomorrow? That's amazing...
"Or in the time it takes your child to finish her Shakespeare report, you could report a healthier cholesterol level."
Considering that said child would have to be conceived, birthed, and reared to at least the age of nine before said report could even be an issue, I'm sure we can both agree that this claim looks substantially less impressive than your last one.
"And just think, between oil changes you could give your heart health a great tune up."
Oh right. Oil changes. For my invisible car that I ride in to go on tons of super fun adventures in distant locales.
Where are all of the cereals for bus riding grad students who read books at break neck speed and have been postponing personal pleasures like marriage and family for years because they lack the stability and excess income that will allow them to do things like buy new furniture whenever they want?
I'm going to start my own company. And we're going to make breakfast foods like "Procrasticrunch" (It's crunch time!) and "((De)(Con)struct)-O's" (Add milk and watch the tiny whole grain letters disolve into an epistemological mush! Featuring mini-marshmellows shaped like Foucault's bald head!)
Cholesterol is not the problem here, my friends. Oh no, it is not.
