An excerpt from an e-mail from BJ that I thought was hilarious...

Phone rings.
I sit up in bed and look at my watch: 8:45 am
Reach over and pick it up.

Me: Hello?
Woman: Hello, is Mr. Verzosa there?

This is obviously a telemarketer.

Me: No, he doens't live here anymore.

A blatant lie. He's my roommate across the hall.

Telemarketer: Well, then may I speak with you?
Me: uhhh...
Telemarketer: yada yada yada yada...sir, how much would you say you pay for your monthly phone bill?
Me: Zero dollars.
Telemarketer: Funny, sir, but you must be paying something! Otherwise we couldn't be talking right now!
Me: Good point.

Set the phone down and slump over in bed.

Telemarketer: yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada yada. Sir? Sir? Hello?

Reach over and hang up.
Back to sleep.

Isn't he a charmer? It's his natural eloquence. That's what keeps me around. :)

Oh, my blog...my precious, precious Blog. How long has it been? A while, yes. So anyway, I have a new tirade. It's about pants. Here I go...

:::ahem:::

Okay, so I've been to like 300 stores over the course of the past few months looking for some very simple. ALL I want in the WORLD is a pair of long denim jeans that fit my waist, hips, thighs, knees, calves, ankles, toes, joints, taste, personality, etc. I want them with a 34'' inseem and I want them dark navy blue. I DON'T want any squinchies, baggies, bulgies, tighties, droopies, shorties, and I CERTAINLY don't want anything that shows ANYTHING that cracks. And what the hell is all of this crap like MIDNIGHT STONE?! I WANT DARK BLUE!!! And you know what ELSE I don't want? EXTRA CRAP! I don't NEED a little rhinestone belt or anything with huge belt buckles that says something brilliant like "Girl!" or "Rockstar!" If I WANTED one of those, I assure the jean manufacturers of America that I would go buy one MYSELF! Aaaargh. I'm not deformed or anything, but it seems that anyone with my lower half is some monstrosity that can't even find something to gird her loins! AAARGH!

So yes. That settles it. I'm living in sweats for the rest of my life.

I once had a cousin who thought he looked like L.L. Cool J.
But Danny, I said, you're white.

Mamma Said Knock You Out.