This is not a blog: My salute to the perspectivalism of Shattuck's sidewalks.

Once again on my walk home from school, the pavement on Shattuck poigantly evaluates some life questions. Somewhere between Virginia and Cedar it proclaims: No Sidewalk. Am I to deduce from this that the Sidewalk is, in fact, anti-Sidewalk? This degree of self-loathing would effectivly shake the very foundations of all that our nation walks upon. OR can we infer that my pavement is merely being avante-garde, entering an artistic period, if you will? Perhaps it is only a Sidewalk because we perceive it as a Sidewalk. We are socially conditioned to believe in the existance and utility of a Sidewalk by a proverbially repressive "Man." Damn the man. OR has the Sidewalk chosen for itself a new identity, declared itself NOT a Sidewalk, thus rendering its otherwise ideally situated posistion stuck to the ground irrelevant and thereby calling into question the meaning of its life and maybe even the meaning of our OWN lives, of everything?!?! My God!

Also, in case you want to know, Roy and Steph, if you are out there, the Sidewalk has munificently declared that it loves you both, together. It has even gone so far as to inscribe your names, bound together in everlasting couplehood with a plus sign, in an indelicately rendered heart.

Wow. In all its brilliance, our Sidewalk still cares for the little people. I just might want to nominate our Sidewalk for public office.

Okay, kids...I've been up and down the big beautiful state of California twice in the past two weeks. And let me tell you, twelve combined hours of freeway-induced introspection has prepared me more than enough to write this blog for your viewing enjoyment. Oh yeah, and since I've been subjected to so much radio I now commonly use phrases like, "brought to you by the makers of.." and, "...right after a word from our sponsers." I've also heard that fricken Evanescense song 18,000 times! (I am not, for the record, guilty of overstatement here.) As if that weren't enough to bug me into writing a blog, my vast expereince with the I-5 (the scenic route through California's central Valley: Land of Interesting Smells) has aquianted me with a few driving procedures that are not easily gleened from the pages of the state's DMV manual. Allow me to bring you up to speed. (Oh yes, pun intended.)

1. Use of the turn signal is optional in the state of California. Especially on major roads such as feeways and interstates, an erratic swerve in the direction of the new lane or even a telepathic message of intention to switch lanes is an admissable method one can use to aprise other drivers that your car will soon be moving in front of theirs. It is, in fact, completely acceptable to approach a group of cars at high speeds and, without even a motion toward the lever on your steering column, cut off four or more cars in rapid succession to achieve your spot at the front of the group. Use of the turn signal in this situation would even serve to undermine your credibility as alpha male and superior driver. Giving warning is for wussies.

2. All Speed Limit signs apply only to those driving individuals over the age of 65. Following the speed limit renders your implicitly geriatric. As is often the case with life, sometimes people say one thing and mean another. Thus, when the state of California specifies that the maxim speed allowed is 70, they actually mean 90. By not telling you what they want, they are, in fact, just being difficult.

3. After sundown it is illegal to drive without your headlights on. Even better, it is encouraged to drive with your brights on for long stretches of road, keeping very close to the tailgate of the person in front of you. They will appreciate your compliance with the law and admire your endeavors to take your law-abidance one step further by being extra bright. Your superior capacity for illumination may also help them to see the road in front of them all that much better. If you have the means, the state highly reccomends that you pick up a pair of those snazzy halogen head lights. After all, you may very well succeed in saving the lives of other drivers who will be forced to remain awake on the road while dealing with their splitting headaches.

So just remember that for your next road trip. Happy trails, my firends...until we meet again...