In the past two days, I have managed to not eat a SINGLE thing that I had prepared for myself. And its getting a little ridiculous. I think I have OD'd on Clif bars. Except for the lemon poppyseed ones. (and boy howdy...those things are GOOD.) In fact, they are so good, that I walked into whole foods the other day, bought 4 or 5 of them, and got a weird look from the cashier. What?! I gotta eat! That probably wasn't as weird as last night, though...when I ordered a coffee and a side of steamed vegetables from the take-out counter at Jerry's. This is L.A. What is so hard to understand about the fact that *some* people like coffee? And also like vegetables? With nothing on them but...er...steam? And that *sometimes,* like when they're in the middle of writing a bunch of stuff, they don't have time to stay at home and chop broccoli, carrots, and cauliflower by themselves?

Hmm. Well at least my current paper is going okay. :::knocks on wood::: And by okay I mean that I spent 3 1/2 hours at Jerry's last night thoroughly convinced that I was BRILLIANT. Only a paragraph in, I could already see the flawless paper, turned back to me in my box, untouched by the professor's red pen except for the many plus marks after the "A" he placed on its last page, and the note, begging me- pleading with me!- to publish it instantly. I'm still happy with it so far, but by now I've at least returned to Earth. We'll see how I feel after tonight...that's about when I expect the common paper-induced self-loathing to occur. Until then, I think I'll relax for a moment and try to think up a good title.

Right now I'm stuck with "There's No Jelly Donut Behind the Window, Little Redburn- Only Another Bildungsroman."

1. Is there a diet where you only eat cereal in excessive amounts and drink coffee? If there is, I'm doing very well with it. (After yesterday I never want to see another Peanut Butter Puffin again. Until maybe dinner time.)

2. And, as you've probably guessed, I've been doing papers. A lot of papers. And I've been reading lots and lots of articles in scholarly journals. Lots, and lots of articles. But doing so has taught me some valuable things. And I've decided that you just can't keep knowledge like this to yourself, it wouldn't be fair. So here's the basic skeleton of an introduction to almost any paper you'd like to publish in a literary journal. Well, okay, at least any paper on Melville:

In recent years, Bleeble McCreebleson's Incredibly Important Novel has been the subject of (much/surprisingly little) critical debate. This (abundance of discussion is easily attributable to the universal themes of McCreebleson's work/ dearth of critical speculation is perhaps due to the fact that McCreebleson's themes are universally difficult to realize.) McCreebleson did, after all, spend almost the entirety of his career wrestling with the (intellectual/psychological/spiritual) implications of his (early loss of faith/ relationship with his mother/ dissillusionment with capitalism/ sexual orientation/ strained relationship with organized religion); and his fiction, for the most part, reflects this inner struggle. Whatever the reason, however, it is clear that Incredibly Important Novel has a distinct message about (America/manhood/family/interpersonal relationships/fiction/the nineteenth century/God): the essence of (patriotism/masculinity/unity/love/the novel/the times/God) (can/cannot) be searched for, (and/but) the answers revealed by such a search (will/will not/ could never be) worth the trouble.

Ha! Grad student mad libs...