1. Is there a diet where you only eat cereal in excessive amounts and drink coffee? If there is, I'm doing very well with it. (After yesterday I never want to see another Peanut Butter Puffin again. Until maybe dinner time.)

2. And, as you've probably guessed, I've been doing papers. A lot of papers. And I've been reading lots and lots of articles in scholarly journals. Lots, and lots of articles. But doing so has taught me some valuable things. And I've decided that you just can't keep knowledge like this to yourself, it wouldn't be fair. So here's the basic skeleton of an introduction to almost any paper you'd like to publish in a literary journal. Well, okay, at least any paper on Melville:

In recent years, Bleeble McCreebleson's Incredibly Important Novel has been the subject of (much/surprisingly little) critical debate. This (abundance of discussion is easily attributable to the universal themes of McCreebleson's work/ dearth of critical speculation is perhaps due to the fact that McCreebleson's themes are universally difficult to realize.) McCreebleson did, after all, spend almost the entirety of his career wrestling with the (intellectual/psychological/spiritual) implications of his (early loss of faith/ relationship with his mother/ dissillusionment with capitalism/ sexual orientation/ strained relationship with organized religion); and his fiction, for the most part, reflects this inner struggle. Whatever the reason, however, it is clear that Incredibly Important Novel has a distinct message about (America/manhood/family/interpersonal relationships/fiction/the nineteenth century/God): the essence of (patriotism/masculinity/unity/love/the novel/the times/God) (can/cannot) be searched for, (and/but) the answers revealed by such a search (will/will not/ could never be) worth the trouble.

Ha! Grad student mad libs...