Okay...
I'm not going to lie to you. This one's really bad. There's complaining, but it's not even funny complaining. Like, really not funny complaining.
Oh, God...I'm so stressed out already. Yes, I know- I signed up for all of this myself. And I knew it would be a lot of work. A lot of lot of work. And that sort of situation has always proven to be a little stressful...but now it's like "Oh my God. I don't know if I can do all of this." A few months ago even that would've been "Oh my God. I don't know if I can do all of this. But of course I certainly will. Because I always do. And it's been fine." End of story!
But now things are like...different...
Because most of my weekends aren't my own anymore. Because I think it's important that I go home every once in a while just to give everyone else a break. Because I know that I *can* probably find a way to write three 20 page papers in the next 8 weeks, and that it would be an all consuming task...but do I really want to do that anymore? Last year, if someone had said to me "You need to write me 20 pages on Hawthorne. Because you're in my class. And that's what you do." I would've been like, "Cool." And I would've done it and not minded. Because sometimes learning involves a lot of stuff that you wouldn't necessarily pick out for yourself. But now I'm like... wait... you want me to...find out what kind of scholar I am... but still find a way to care (and I mean really, really care) about Puritans and their history?
I don't think I can do that...
Because you know what?
There's a TON of other shit that I can think of that is more important than that right now. And by "that" I could mean any number of things- but most of them probably have to do with school.
Which brings me to my next point... namely, that deep...deep down inside I am mad. And not in that "Oh Kat, you never get mad" way. In that like...oh my god, I can't believe that people can have too much to drink and then get into a CAR sort of way. God. Are you kidding me? That's all it takes?
Because the slight injuries that have resulted are not the things that bug me. What bugs me, what has been stuck in the back of my mind, all of this time, is that it would have been so easy for all of this to be completely different.
And I've spent most of my life worried about papers.
I'm not going to lie to you. This one's really bad. There's complaining, but it's not even funny complaining. Like, really not funny complaining.
Oh, God...I'm so stressed out already. Yes, I know- I signed up for all of this myself. And I knew it would be a lot of work. A lot of lot of work. And that sort of situation has always proven to be a little stressful...but now it's like "Oh my God. I don't know if I can do all of this." A few months ago even that would've been "Oh my God. I don't know if I can do all of this. But of course I certainly will. Because I always do. And it's been fine." End of story!
But now things are like...different...
Because most of my weekends aren't my own anymore. Because I think it's important that I go home every once in a while just to give everyone else a break. Because I know that I *can* probably find a way to write three 20 page papers in the next 8 weeks, and that it would be an all consuming task...but do I really want to do that anymore? Last year, if someone had said to me "You need to write me 20 pages on Hawthorne. Because you're in my class. And that's what you do." I would've been like, "Cool." And I would've done it and not minded. Because sometimes learning involves a lot of stuff that you wouldn't necessarily pick out for yourself. But now I'm like... wait... you want me to...find out what kind of scholar I am... but still find a way to care (and I mean really, really care) about Puritans and their history?
I don't think I can do that...
Because you know what?
There's a TON of other shit that I can think of that is more important than that right now. And by "that" I could mean any number of things- but most of them probably have to do with school.
Which brings me to my next point... namely, that deep...deep down inside I am mad. And not in that "Oh Kat, you never get mad" way. In that like...oh my god, I can't believe that people can have too much to drink and then get into a CAR sort of way. God. Are you kidding me? That's all it takes?
Because the slight injuries that have resulted are not the things that bug me. What bugs me, what has been stuck in the back of my mind, all of this time, is that it would have been so easy for all of this to be completely different.
And I've spent most of my life worried about papers.
1 Comments:
*big hug* hang in there dear. "this too shall pass" and other cliches. i miss you much. this quarter is chaotic already. but get this: if you write a book i'll design it for you :) i'm in a book design class
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home