Soooo....my Russian music proffessor has made it clear to me that he wants a very sophisticated paper...no, I don't mind hard work....but...I might need a little discrete help....so here's my plan:

1. Soak paper in heavy concentration of vodka, let dry, iron out a little, hope he gets drunk (and nonjudgemental) off of the smell.
2. Print the words "Give me and A, I am brilliant." in white, embossing texture ink. Print assignment on paper. Hope that as he scrolls along with his finger he will receive subliminal message and act accordingly.
3. Write sentences in 3-D Optical Illusion patterns, hope by the time he gets to the end he is sufficiently hypnotized to give me an A.
4. Entitle my essay "Very Sophisticated Paper"
5. Sacrifice goat and perform ceremonial dance, pledge my first child to the Russian state.

I'm picking up the ol' hammer and sickle and getting back to my paper now...