It's the end of the quarter, and, as always, I'm having some trouble regulating my eating and sleeping patterns. And, you know, the patterns that make you want to write instead of obsessively check your e-mail, watch charlie the unicorn on youtube, or see if any of your friends have updated their facebook profiles in the last 5 seconds. Usually I just eat cereal for like 2 weeks straight, spend too much time looking at shoes that I want online, and then write a blog about swearing off cereal and the shoes that I'm going to buy for myself when the paper's done. This time it's a little different. Mostly because the cereal wasn't on sale at Ralph's; the Yoplait yogurt was. And instead of shopping online, I've been watching episodes of TV that I normally wouldn't see because I don't have cable. So here's a little taste of what my late night writing sessions look like:

Strawberry Flavored Light Thick & Creamy Yoplait Yogurt: Hi Kat.
Me: Go away, I'm busy.
Yogurt: But aren't you a little hungry?
Me: Absolutely not. I had a yogurt like, half an hour ago.
Yogurt: And it was good, wasn't it? You can still taste a faint hint of strawberry, can't you? And there's the old container, sitting right next to your computer...mmm, go ahead and smell that leftover strawberry smell...
Me: No. I'm over it.
Yogurt: But wouldn't you like another? We're only 100 calories apiece.
Me: Yeah, thanks. That doesn't help me much if I inhale 4 of them at a time.
Brenda Chenowith: Oh, hey guys, I'm Brenda Chenowith from the hit HBO TV series Six Feet Under!
Me: I know who you are.
Brenda: Then aren't you a little curious about what happens with Nate and me in Season 5? You can watch it right now.
Me: No. I'm working on something. It's very important.
Brenda: Oh, hey! Yogurt! I love yogurt-- especially the Light Thick & Creamy kind that you have in your fridge just a few feet away from your desk. Very full bodied. Not like regular artificially sweetened food.
Yogurt: Yeah, Brenda! Wouldn't it be cool and relaxing if Kat just grabbed another cup of yogurt and sat down to see what happens with you and Nate and your crazy, screwed up, but somehow still lovable families in what has come to be lauded as one of the best shows on television ever?
Brenda: That'd be awesome!
Me: No! You're both going to have to leave. Now. :::points to door:::Yogurt and Brenda Chenowith eye each other furtively:::
Brenda: Actually I have to stay a little while, I have a friend meeting me here soon..
[ a knock at the door]
Me: (exhasperated) who is it?
Conan O'Brien: It's me! Conan O'Brien! Your favorite cheeky Harvard educated red-haired late night TV talk show host! I'm on in about 15 minutes, but I just figured I'd stop by to...
Me: WE'RE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN, CONAN!!!
Conan: Tina Fey's on the show tonight...
Me: (grabbing remote) Damnit! Just...damnit!
Yogurt, Brenda Chenowith, Conan, and Tina Fey: :::burst into peels of triumphant laughter:::


The cereal was always so much less mean spirited...