1. Okay, The Rapture, I've had it. Quit being all awesome on my iTunes and releasing new music and then REFUSING TO TOUR TO PROMOTE IT. Whatever, The Rapture. Maybe you're going all anti-capitalist (unlikely, as you are distributed by Universal) and like, all Trent-Rezner-we-don't-need-to-play-into-the-system-here-have-my-music-for-free-on-my-website (which, by the way, might partially appease my ire in this instance,) but cut it out. And come to LA. Or maybe even to Phoenix or Tucson. And bring your buddies !!!. Except maybe tell them that their name, even for a dance punk band, is ridiculously snarky. And that's coming from a GRAD STUDENT. Further displays of inexcusable postmodernist-esque pretention will not be countenanced. But they should come with you all the same, The Rapture, and they should play "Heart of Hearts."

2. Ike's cafe, you're on the list, too. Why, you ask? Not because of your lattes. Your lattes are among the best I've had. I'm even willing to go so far as to say that the latte I had there 2 weeks ago, the one made by the dude who works there in the evenings, was certainly in my top five of all time. Maybe, you concede, it's because you do keep the temperature a bit chilly-- but the rest of Tucson is hot, so you thought you were justified. No, Ike's. It's not even the temperature. It's the BIG EFFING SPOON YOU FORCE THE LADIES TO CARRY AROUND IF THEY'D LIKE TO USE THE RESTROOM DOWN THE HALL. I understand, you don't want wiley patrons running off with the restroom key-- the whole point of having a key is to maintain cleanliness (always a good thing) by restricting access. But maybe something slightly smaller, or less ostentatious? Because right now, you have a huge ladle attatched to a little tiny key-- I swear, the whole get-up is as long as my arm- and if you'd like to make use of it, you have to walk over to the counter, apprise the cashier of your restroom issues, and then walk through the cafe, exit the building, and continue down an open outside corridor weilding A HUGE EFFING LADLE. Grabbing the ladle off the front counter also, might I point out, frequently results in a noticeable clattering sound, as said key and ladle are both made out of metal and the cafe itself it often pretty quiet. You might as well just set up a microphone, Ike's. "HELLO, FELLOW CAFE PATRONS. CAN EVERYONE HEAR ME? JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW, I'VE HAD QUITE A LOT OF COFFEE AND NOW I HAVE TO PEE. IF I AM GONE FOR MORE THAN A FEW MINUTES, YOU ARE FREE TO ASSUME THAT I AM DOING SOMETHING INFINITELY LESS LADY-LIKE. YOU WILL, OF COURSE, NOTE THE EXACT MOMENT OF MY RETURN, AS I AM THE ONE WHO HAS HAD THE MISFORTUNE TO WEAR EAR-SHATTERINGLY CLOMPY SHOES AND I AM CARRYING A BIG EFFING SPOON. THANK YOU. THAT IS ALL."



Whew...now that that's over...back to work for now...