Getting ready for a little vacation...my Mom calls:

Mom: Hi Honey! Are you excited about your trip?
Translation: My God, you haven't even packed yet, have you? What happens if you forget something? Like adequate sunscreen-you could die of skin cancer, slowly, and alone in Arizona. You'll probably forget something anyway. You'll forget your toothbrush and your teeth will rot and fall out and then you'll be ugly and then how do you expect to get a boy to like you?
Me: Yes, Mom! I'm all packed to go and everything!

Mom: Oh! Well, that's good to hear. Did you get any money out for the trip, in case you have an emergency?
Translation: By the way, you're spending too much money.
Me: Yep, I remembered that too. Got some money out from the grocery store yesterday.

Mom: Great! Your Dad and I hope you have a good time, then. And tell BJ we said hello.
Translation: DON'T DO ANYTHING THAT WOULD MAKE THE BABY JESUS CRY!
Me: I'm sure it'll be fun. And I'll tell him.

Mom: I guess I'll get going then! Give me a call tomorrow when you get to the airport?
Translation: So we can have this conversation all over again.
Me: Okay, I'll have my cell phone!

Arizona, here I come.
And I really do love my Mom. But all the women in my family are just...quirky...